LATOYA LEWIS

Disappear (Word Count : 640)
I want to disappear sometimes, all the time because life sucks.Poof is gone and just disappear. Sitting here and hearing the lyrics in my head, and I disappear. Not entirely off the face of the earth just disappear and eventually reappear. Sometimes, I wonder why life can’t be simple and things wouldn’t be so messed up. Sometimes, I wonder why life can’t be simple and things wouldn’t be so messed up. Then maybe I wouldn’t mind being around and sitting around. But the lyrics keep coming back in my head, I disappear…I just disappear. Why do those words stand out? Disappearing…Being invisible in the visible world that wouldn’t be fun but yet sometimes I crave not to be seen or heard. Sometimes I disappear in my mind and just stop, I stop. My mind goes blank and I try not to think about my life or family. Concerned so concerned that my life won’t add up that I won’t make the cut. This makes me want to disappear. Life is passing me by graduation around the corner...need to become successful so I can be somebody...so scared that I will fail one day. I don’t know what to do. So tired of trying and so tired of trying to give up. I need to focus and give it my all.
Every time I come here I get so angry so angry. Selling these stupid unimportant expensive products for minimum wage. Tell me life is fair. Ink for 40 dollars that my whole fucking check. Every day here is so pointless. I have to act like I give a damn about people I don’t know. Hi, how are you doing today sir. I really don’t give a fuck. Working in a place just to pay the bills is like living in hell on earth. Sometimes you can find entertaining moments but not often. Money rules the world. So you have to do what you have to do. Or do you?
People are so stupid. Asking questions and not really wanting the answers. Talking just to hear the sound of their own voice. How annoying. Some are so rude and just ignore you while you talk. Others are condescending and treat you like your less than. Idiots!
Looking outside you see the beauty in the world. The sun shining against the trees, the wind blowing around the leaves. Life moving and hustling along. It reminds me of a song. Children playing and running. The sky is so big and blue and endless. How can you see all this beauty and choose not to believe. It so amazing you have no choice but to believe that there is someone who created this amazing place. How can you not believe? How can you not believe? Amazing. Life, people. Is this what it’s all about? Really?
Love...I love the word love…I want to fall in love with love…I love the boys in the world…they make me fall in love…Boys, Boys, Boys I do adore. I love Boys, Boys, Boys, Boys….Not all their cracked up to be but I love them none less when they are really into me...I mean ME not just the physical. I love the boys that are after the intellectual part of me and not interested in S.E.X only…SEX so complicated but worth the complication and AMAZING! But the physical pleasure doesn’t really speak to me. I want the men who can talk and use their nouns and verbs. Not a guy that can only speak with his hands.
I love being me! I’m inspired by Whitman to embrace me. I’m so lucky and blessed to be me. I’m a beautiful person with a terrific soul. I have a loving family and friends who are always around. Life is just beginning and ultimately what you make it. My life is just beginning.