Wednesday, May 20, 2009

I find myself writing about things that I haven’t figured out about myself like why I don’t like trying new things, or why I prefer to be alone nearly ninety percent of my time. With that said, my work is usually depressing, because I use poetry as a tool to fix me. Being raised with very few male figures makes it difficult for me to show emotion, because typically males don’t act like that. I have to be strong, because so many people are depending on me to do so. Being weak is not an option; however I am human, and need to be weak sometimes. That is where writing comes in.
Writing is a means to vent the things I cannot afford to say, but yet the thoughts that are always running through my mind. This may explain why most of my writing is somewhat weighted down by self pity. For what it’s worth, trying to figure out how to write about things that bother me, and giving the impression that I am looking for pity is something that I am trying work on. For what it’s worth, if I wasn’t in this class, none of you would be reading my work, so please bare with me. I have a hard time trying to find the line between journal/diary work and poetry, if there is a line at all. Tailoring my thoughts for creative writing class is something I need to consider.
Poetry is really interesting to me, it’s funny, I love to write it, but hate to read it. I hate reading poetry that I can’t understand. For that reason, I find myself hating poetry the more that I read it. Just last semester I took Eng 347, and I guess the “theme” of the class was post-modern poetry. Anyway, I read so much poetry that I don’t think that I will ever understand, it made me sick just reading it. I hated the class because I felt like the poetry was smarter than me. Gertrude Stein’s Tender Buttons still gives me goose bumps. Actually, I think the class kind of discouraged me from writing a little subconsciously. Not the class content, but reading abstract poetry made me so frustrated that maybe I just got turned off from it. It seems the value on “good” writing goes up as I get older. I remember elementary school, when my teacher used to read us Shel Silverstien, and we loved it. That was good for us 2nd graders because it was easy fun, and understandable. I am pretty sure that I would hate poetry with a passion if my teachers read me Sylvia Plath or something like that. I miss the days in High School, where everyone who wrote anything was considered “good” and even if you weren’t, people still told you that you were and you believed it.
However, someone brought up the question: Should we try to figure out what poetry is? Personally, I think we should, dissect poetry a little more. I don’t think it would take anything away from it. Just because having it left open for interpretation is a little dangerous. Poetry should never be an easy read; it should be just hard enough for someone to have to read three times, for anyone to truly figure out what it means. I would never start a book, or a game knowing that I won’t understand it, so that’s why I get hesitant about reading poetry. I hate to be frustrated and that’s why poetry is sometimes a problem for me.
That leads me into what I want from my writing, I think it would be amazing if I could truly move someone with the overall sentiment of peace, by the words I chose, and how I write them. Being clever is something that value as well, seeing anyone can write and rhyme, I want my style to be evident from the first couple of lines. My readers should know my style and swag right away. I want to be able to convey my tone effectively as well. A sense of understanding my life is another objective of mine. If someone were to read my writing, synonymously they should know a part of me as well and hopefully relate. People, who read my work, should know that there isn’t any fiction going on. Writing about something that I have a full understanding grasp on isn’t worth writing about. Trying to figure out something about myself is also one of my goals. Hopefully by writing, both the reader and I, figure something out (hopefully) by the end of the piece.
I strive to be coherent as possible when I write. However, coherency is the one aspect of my writing that I am constantly trying to improve. The trend that I am on, I have to say, I usually write about myself. I don’t like pretending that I am not, so I always use (or intend to use) first person when I write. I am starting to learn this way of writing has a lot of problems with it. I pour my heart and soul into my writing. I only write about things that are personal and intimate to me. However, I never divulge too far into my intimacies to the point where I would feel violated if someone were to heavily critique my work. I want to get better at expressing myself; I want to be a better writer.
One of my passions is trying new things whenever I get a chance. For that reason, I love trying new forms of poetry and I am excited that I get a chance to write in different forms because that is something that I have had on my “bucket list” for a while. I feel as every game needs rules in order to be enjoyable, and I make the analogy to express my feelings on poetry. I like bending rules, it helps exercise my creativity and push the limit of my patience, which are two important attributes that writers need (in my opinion, but what do I know?). Writing in free verse would be harder for me than writing, let’s say, a sonnet. I would find myself frustrated because there is no set meter to play with, no particular rhyme scheme to manipulate.
I hope that explains me/my writing style/ my agenda so that you as the reader understand my writing a little better
I hope that this class will inspire me to write more because I don’t think I write as much as I should. When I was in creative writing, Tim told me that in order to be a good writer, we should strive to write for an hour a day. On my own, I don’t think I write an hour a week, let alone an entire day. So I guess writing these blogs, is kind of getting me into a good habit that will continue. I get kind of discouraged when reading good poetry, I am sure that every writer has went through this at one point in their life. But reading makes me really question if I have what it takes to make it as a writer, (assuming that I want to go that route) because I feel like I should be better.

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