elegy

Somewhere between Existence and Nonexistence

The constant chill
running through my veins
awakens me to the truth
I cannot grasp
I remember the accident
the hospital bed
the scent of the sheets
the voices around me
crying, shaking me, begging me
Come back, Danielle.

I see myself
but no one else does
I am invisible
try to get your attention
try to move things
push things
but they slide right through me
as though I don’t even exist.

but I stand here
I feel the cold
the pain
its inside of me
I am real.

I am stuck somewhere
between life
&afterlife
not quite dead
holding on for something
answers
why…

Why can’t I have closure
things always end
abruptly
no one tries to take the time to explain
they just say their graces
and leaves
but no one explains WHY ME.

No one ever tries to hold my hand through this
or say it’ll be easy
you’ll be okay
they just weep for their loss
for their lack of closure
for their own pain-reeked feelings

One day I will get my closure
and my body
my mind
will be put to rest
up in the clouds
feeling warmth again
feeling alive again
resting in peace.