Deep Breath

deep breath

Alissa...

I wanted to say,
the day you were born,
your mother looked at you
and came to life;

that like you said,
all she wished
for you was kindness.

A kindness that could
penetrate,a kindness
that could transform us.

If only kindness was
not so hard, as the grimace
and grin always enmesh

If only families smiling truth
in pictures could hold that pose
Nor would your father’s lips wail

for loss, the loss of song, the loss of breath,
The Loss of the dream of your mother
I am sorry

Sorry I said that I slept with your sister. Cala
and you did not deserve to lose your imagination.
I think you two never lost it really,

it just went underground. Aliza still hides there
in the rocks, they are inside of you, swirling like
a river, not yet ready to meet the sea.

Mr Pausz, cradled you as a baby, then
you were broadened out into your bone

And to see the millions of trilobites,
and tully monsters
Slithering up the rocks past the

Many layers eddying on this pointless
and profound thought river
You were placed into, at

the top of the ladder, sidewise,
becomes a link,
And I think I have more evolving to do.

Yes, we do have eternity
The maelstrom of leaves coming down,
want us to go with them.

But we have to wait. The world
always calls us to gravel, and further
more to crumple up and be. But I think

we are sitting here, ruminating
over hot tea. The stone moving
slow, carving though the distance

yet being molded. somehow, the sun’s
warmth comes in and tells us
we are not just open books, nor liars,

but we are drawings on rocks,

spontaneous: A wingspan of chaos.

*

andy thank you for using your name time
with breathing learning into your life
for the struggle you lost through
we all churn inside your suggestions

andy thank you against your honesty
for the sorryness please accept
by the idea hint of redheads being bozo
my mother would not be proud

andrew thank you with your tolerance
for people and leaves of change
by being in church with love
hearings of God's word, remaining

andrew thank you over Nevada and back
with the words you wrote that rushed
me, for apologizing for my sister
under affirming craziness life ensues

andrew clark thank you with your religion
twelve stepping towards sincerity, serenity
for the nonshake within your voice
the spirit beneath your intentions

andrew clark thank you to survive stressful stats
in their ever growing ant hill
mounting passed all those rejections
from an entity, beautiful and unyielding

andrew clark hall thank you for shining like you
I too keep falling for the same
old disappearing act
ever rolling with the magic of change

and above all
andrew clark hall thank you at the kindness you unpack
pellets of humor and helpfulness
all by meaning of the education one
falls in love with slowly, faithfully

*

Alissa,Suppose gravity not withstanding

we could walk off the flat earth-

would we fall or rise

become birds and feather

We raise children to the pedestal

and then they dive off the platform

or perhaps they are pirates withdrawing

the plank or aliens preparing to invade us

and if we are ubermensch

floating about in primordial stew,

What then? ...Alissa,

I also apologize for calling you

a festering sore. That was lame

of me we are all festering

sores, wounded from the beauty

of nothingness. I am a fool.

*

andy can you please steam up all
the thank you greetings cards
in the world in all languages
accept them on behalf of all explorers

if I had one hour to ache just like
a woman, find something tangible
something real true in the dark
I would take it back
give anything to consult barbara and claude

even bob dylan would say you’ve
walked down enough roads
to call you a man, how could I or a
lakota chief suggest otherwise

my speaking of a craziness in you
was unthinkable
I am crazy, dandelions are crazy
the moon and love, beauty and airplanes
we’re all crazy,

the solitary category alone could kill you
you deserve so much better andy

if I could take a deep breath like you said
disclose this book with you
perhaps I might refresh your river
you imagined for me
open it page by word, share
like you so admirably

praise be the teacher, andy clark hall
how he lets life come
so agreeably with struggle
leaning into pleasure, leaning into pain
unlocking the chest of uncertainty to

a space where kites can fly
as they catch the wind so gracefully
allow us to go where
we are meant
seeing the poetry in each ordinary day


Alissa,

You are everyone’s sunshine,
no one could take you away

for ever, unless you wanted to.
Tears remind us that we are water.

I thank you for reminding me to be water
You have made my Mackinaw flow

I am grateful for the changes yet to come
The cold that is descending upon us

I am grateful for the barren trees, the autumns
That remind us of nature’s perfect chaos

I am grateful for the humbug of our
Sometimes humdrum existence

I am grateful for my fuck-ups;
and you, you have shown me

A passage into the world, a porthole
we view this chasmous universe,

We are journeying out, draining
inward at the same time. Star rats, in search

of immortal cheese, or a wormhole to
the next dimension. Blessed are we all,

and the cheese too, a mold of milkholes,
to peer into substance, lovingly.