Friend, I apologize for my earliest remark—it was so bad I cannot speak of this—I love your 64oz cup! I am always thirsty and I stare at your amazing container of beverage, longingly wishing for a sweet swig of cold liquid!
Alex, I congratulate you for your knowledge on corn—I am a mere city girl—I only know where to locate wifi! I want to know all there is about corn! I thank you for sharing your knowledge!
Alex, I congratulate you on your ability to make wedding cakes. Oh! How I wish you would make my wedding cake! How my day would be so much better!
Alex, I congratulate you on your wonderful blond hair! I am a boring brunette, boring and unsexy.
Feed corn! Thank you for being a part of Alex’s life for being a fine commodity!
Andrea Dearest Andrea,
I apologize for being so critical of your little red shoes. I just feel dreadful for telling you they remind me of a four-year-old. I despise the fact that you are able to wear such youthful shoes. I really do like them I wish I felt young enough to wear them myself.
I would also like to apologize for any quick - negative - retorts I gave when we spoke of Jeremiah earlier. I realize it was not nice of me to say your face is what keeps him away. Please forgive me.
Please do consider forgiving me for rhyming. I forgot that it reminds you too much of the late Robert Frost.
I also seek forgiveness for using curse words in my poetry occasionally. I do feel guilty about this.
Congratulations on being such a stupendous individual. You carry yourself well and have a super-cute angled hair cut. I love it, and am quite jealous of how full and thick your hair is.
Congratulations on your engagement. How wonderful it must feel to be loved and adored by someone, and how great it must feel to know you will soon spend the rest of your life with this person.
I would also like to congratulate your for your ability to make me laugh. Your writing is quite humorous at times and I love how it makes me smile.
Please forgive my crudeness--I grew up in a household where burps and swears were ok as long as our knees were closed.
Please forgive me for bringing up your love for J--It was a cheap shot--really a test of my non-wittiness. I am sure he thinks of you often especially since you are a lovely looking woman
Please forgive my quickness to assume your only writing ability is to rhyme and then to make it worse I had to insult your grammar--you know that I have horrible grammar in fact I often receive Bs b/c of this
Thank you for congratulating me on my engagement!
Thank you ants for being present as Alex greets you! Hello ants!
Thank you chocolate!
Thank you lampost for guiding Alex when the sun has set at 4pm!
Thank you pen!
Thank you water so Alex will not be dehydrated!
Thank you winter accessories for protecting Alex from the flu!
Thank you movie theaters for entertaining Alex! Please make your popcorn less expensive!
Thank you ice cubes for cooling the water Alex drinks!
Thank you shoes for covering Alex's feet!
Thank you frogs!
Thank you hair straightener!
Thank you midol!
Thank you anti-bacteria soap!
Thank you prophylactics!
Thank you mouse pad for making each click a smoother transition!
Thank you Ethics Training to ensure each of Alex's professors are ethical!
Thank you frozen dinner especially Lean Cuisine and Smart Ones
Cute little Andrea! Thank you for being so cute. Thank you for making me smile.
Please forgive me for saying it is your breath that keeps Jeremiah away. For although we don't sit close I believe your breath smells like that of roses, ripe peaches, or a sprig of fresh peppermint.
I would like to take a moment to thank you for all the things that make you - you!
Thank you for your beaming face that always holds a smile!
Thank you for your bubbly personality that creates a positive writing atmosphere!
Thank you for your comments and opinions they are always notable!
Thank you for being yourself, for teaching prisoners, for loving the world as you do. Thank you!
Forgive me for cursing at you! I hate to swear—it was only for exaggeration.
I hope you live a life aware of wildflowers and baked pumpkin seeds
I hope you are able to cry w/o shame or embarrassment
Praise your future children may they have wonderful names beautiful thoughts may you reflect on funny stories about mispronouncing words or not being able to give up their blanket or toy may they live with imagination may they love junkfood and carrots and broccoli
Praise your future partner may s/he love you think you are cool compromise watch bad television with you go shopping for groceries with you rub your feet be a good lover tell bad jokes share clothes share blankets pillows may they protect you from bees wasps and other funny creatures that seem threatening may they hold you when you have nightmares may they walk with you play catch with you go fishing with you play cards, backgammon may they curl with you
Or if you do not have a future partner or child this is ok
Praise your kitties, cows, sheep, bears, tigers, puppies, blackbirds
Praise your ability to make cakes pies zucchini nut bread casserole rice (I could never make rice well until my mother gave me her steamer)
Praise your current and future gardens of lettuce cucumbers cabbage daffodils sunflowers(my grandmother Naijba had wild sunflowers in her yard for years and then my Baba died and then the sunflowers never came back)
Praise your shoes your wonderful shoes
Praise your future and current cars I hope they get good gas mileage they do not break down they keep you safe over snow rain
Praise your future and current friends may they be healthy kind beings who volunteer at YMCAs who do not hate women or men who do not use curse words who love you and will buy you ice cream when you are sad or happy or when it’s summer or when you have cramps
Praise your parents and siblings if you have siblings your grandparents aunts uncles cousins may they live long lives may they be healthy may they never pay too much for hospital bills may they never burn their fingers on ovens or stub their feet (I stub my feet toes fingers two three times a day)