English 284 - final project - Ryan Killeen

I wasn’t having fun until someone ate that hamburger.

 

By Ryan Killeen

4686 words

 

Prologue

 

A tribute the words I’m about to write

These words are a modern day super hero

Rich without monetary wealth

Self made men with no corporate ties

They sacrifice trends for health

Wary of religions, popular and scoffed

These words, living definitions of virtue

The right thing will happen the day that they’re offed

These words are only an utterance

But a crystal clear picture do they paint

Of this dead bird I saw

Up in the air stuck its dead bird taint

 

The words are these

And are written thus

In death that little bird

Showed us his nuts

 

What I tried to do with this poem was to show that after you die you have no control over your physical exposure or your reputation. So in life, where you have control over every aspect of your own life, you need to do as you please and give the social rules and regulations you don’t believe in a big “fuck you”.

 

My Hi Story

 

Hi, I’m 0 years old

Fuck you

Now I’m like

4

This is fuckin neat

Hello kindergarten

Hi high school

HELLO GIRLS

Nice to meet you

Sex is sweet

What up college?

I think I’ll stay a while

How’s it hangin end of the road?

Can’t wait to meet the rest of my life

 

If anybody needs help writing poetry I recommend drinking a lot of coffee, reading a short poem you’ve never read before, then crank up the tunes and write. Or just turn on the music, something you’ve never heard before, then write the poem, and slam a gallon of coffee after all work is done. Or find a poem, spill coffee on it, crumble it up and throw it away. Go to a concert. Barf on someone. Poetically.

 

5/19

 

Poetry, to me, is

Like that bird I saw on the way down here

Flying into the wind

It seems to be going nowhere

 

Life is not an actuary science

Stray from the recipe to create a whole new flavor

 

It’s blue?

A way

A better way

An escape

Better than the alternatives

Better than most alternatives

Better than the news

Better than reality

Open for interpretation

Paint/banana?

 

It’s

A motherfucker left of the switch

April showers may bring flowers

If I have anything to do with it

 

It

Can’t stand on a hill of ice

Will stand against a new world order

Would be awful in brail

 

It just

Made me realize how alone I was

When I heard all the others outside

When I was so secure in here alone with my poem

 

Brett Favre throwing

An ally-oop to Michael Jordan

Slamming a long drive while Tiger Woods rips

Michael Phelps’ bong

 

Was

Nothing until a few months ago

I was asunder by its power

I’ve never used the word asunder

So I had to do it before I died

Trying to make sense

Of the nonsensical

Enjambments that I love so much

Thank you Tim

 

 

Makes me

Say ‘holy cats’

I wanna go rustlin’

I’ve never done it before

And that’s the whole point

I wanna be the new guy

Like the new guy in the movies

Who tries real hard

And gets guff from the seasoned vets

But he proves himself in the end

Shows them what he’s made of

 

Make me

Wanna be the new guy

Like in the movies

 

Why does that guy only exist in the movies?

 

Made me

Change my name to Alexander Trucutt

Cause I dreamed that name in a dream once

So this journal now belongs to

Alexander Trucutt

Life is kinda like a journal don’t you think?

Kinda funny

 

It’s

What I want to spend my time on

But my obligations demand all my time

All the while all my time really wants

To do is write

 

I couldn’t remember her name once

So I called her Katie

That wasn’t her name

But she fucked me anyways

 

My girlfriend wouldn’t like that too much

She thinks she owns me and my parts

I guess

 

But Say Anything

Is amazing

Say Anything

For the silent

 

This whole song just kinda hangs up in the air

About fourteen feet about the heads of listeners

Just out of reach but not impossible to grasp

If one were to climb high enough to reach it

 

I’m convinced that the entire world is populated by retards

Well

At least ninety percent of those retards are retarded anyways

 

I’m broke

Have no food

Do have a job however

And a place to sleep

But I only have enough light to read by that the sun can provide

People are calling me everyday wanting my money

No shower curtain

I need a haircut

Among many other necessities

But all in all I’m content

 

A poem by Zach, a student at the daycare I work at

The sun is so bright

From morning to noon

Then we get the pleasure

Of seeing the moon

 

Good shit

There’s more

 

The sun is shining in our eyes

It makes it hard when you go inside

The trees bring me joy

Ever so much more than my favorite toy

 

We were outside when he though of these

I helped him with the rhyming and wordage

But he did the grunt work

 

Then I was inspired…

 

I can see why the smell of flowers would attract a bee

The smell of a flower just attracted me

Yet I promised a flower of the reddest color

That I wouldn’t enjoy the scent of another

This flower was so slender and yellow

This new flower I couldn’t resist its allure

This tall blonde flower with excitement and charm

This beautiful thing would most likely wilt in my arm

 

My sexual exploits

I turn into poetic fodder

All these beautiful women

Seem to make it all better

 

5/20/09

I never thought about how shitty it would be to be woken up out of a nice sleep by a sprinkler going off in my face.

It sucks

I’m soaked

And not sleeping

And all I’ve been thinking is

Hey girl

There’s nay a picture of you on facebook that doesn’t deal with alcohol in someway.

You’re an alcoholic woman

 

Ever since I walked in on that would be robber in my apartment

I don’t lock my doors anymore

Because I really like visitors

You allowed me the reverse

Peephole

Name’s Bugman

Tex

Bugman

My name cuts

Like a kite

I’ll have you know

Mess with the dull

You get the bugles

I slapped the doctor the second I was born

Told him to put me back

I wasn’t done with Slaughter-House Five

Or so it goes

The feathery bed

The one in your head

I know I’m sleeping in it tonight

I napped there all day

Orange purple elephant

Strange pupils elegant

 

The definition of success can be found by

Not overdoing it

Time and timelines only came into existence when humans

Needed to feel

Like they ever existed

Time

Probably

If it had a say in the matter

Probably wouldn’t be read left to right

Everybody lives to die

Some people think they die to live more

If I lived forever

Like in heaven

I would eventually ask for it to be over with

How fucking boring would that be?

Seriously?

I might stick around for a bit and play canasta

With Frank S.

Have a laugh with Chris F.

Feel what it’s like to fly

 

So I bought these bananas, Right?

 

If I were water I’d start to be getting really annoyed right about now

Always movin’ around

No thank you

 

Loaf rimes with lophe

It is so goddamned hot in here right now

I could just hit someone with my car

 

When I was four my favorite toy was my big wheel

I loved it

Rode it everyday

Then the garbage man threw it away

“Sonofabitch” I said to my mom

She agreed

 

There’s many ways to do it

But the very best way to skin a cat

Is to remove all of its skin

 

Who do I have to punch around here to be free

 

People need to stop hoping for love

They just need to hope for the best

I may or may not be a brick wall

Impervious to emotion

My emotional telephone doesn’t receive calls

You can try to leave a message

But it will be forgotten instantly

That’s what I got from her anyways

 

My turtle

Toby

Had a tumor in his head

We gave him what we thought was chemo

It didn’t work

We were twelve

 

I would’ve never guessed I could’ve gotten rid of you so easily

I guess all it took was getting rid of you

 

I have more children than I know what to do with

Zero

 

I’m going to run around the quad commenting on its wonderful

Octagonal shape

I don’t think

I know

That I’m turning Japanese

 

If I could only come up with one hundred and thirteen more words right now

That would be the bee’s pajamas

I’d celebrate with a swift haircut

Then sprinkle the clippings all over my dog

Then I would go around telling everyone that my dog

The poor thing

Wants to be a human so bad that she went and bought a wig

But she still poops in the yard

Just like my neighbor used to

 

Did I mention how awesomely hot it is in here

It is awesome

 

Yeah I’m a Buddhist

Big whoop

Wanna fight about it?

 

Life gozon

No matter how stupid everyone is

It will goon

Unless something really stupid happens

Then life won’t

 

5/26/09

 

 

You went back to where you came from

Perhaps be my grandchildren one day

How can we be depressed

When our future is your present

 

Naiveté everywhere I step

And I wipe my shoes of it far too often

Not that I’m better than you

You just don’t know

 

Washing my brain of the stupid things you do

I take this time to remind myself

Of how unlucky we will be

 

Facing the inevitability of extinction

I’ve got it all figured out

When

The

Day

Comes

We

Won’t

Wake

Up

 

Now what do you think about that?

 

Being in a coma is the only way out of this mess

Once you know where you’re going your mind is set in stone

Now get on track and get it done

Time has wasted and gone

 

I reflect once a month to keep in touch

 

Give up ingenuity

Renounce profit

Bandits and thieves will disappear

 

Temper desire

 

Who’s really right

And who’s really wrong

Who really cares I just thought of this song

 

Everything needs a spine or it will bend under pressure. Without a strong support time is the enemy and inevitability is what will define you. The last day of your life, this is the day you will experience death. My only suggestion is make it funny.  Religion, I say if you feel like following one then pick one and go with it. Just to see what happens.

 

Then annoy everyone you see about it.

 

A call, a call

I received a call

From a friend today

In need of something

Of mine

Mr., he said

I’ve got an opportunity

For you, he said

My money is all he needed

My time was all he took

Hello friend, I said

How have you been

I asked

 

How many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse?

I don’t know, ten?

No, eleven because ice cream has no bones.

 

The first time I saw you was as unlikely and as chance a happening that could ever be conceived.

We met each from two continents away. I went to Europe after two years of planning, while you just happened to be in Asia somewhere. I could see you clear as day; you could see me seeing you.

You waved, I smiled. We never saw each other again.

 

Now every time I show up to your scene I nearly vomit

By your “scene” I mean

Your presence

And the spectacle you’ve become

The show that is you

Completely illuminated or shrouded in fog

I can’t tell

 

Have you ever thought about why we’re here

Yeah

What did you come up with

Nothing

 

Then the concern turns to nutrition and health benefits.

 

Why is it that every world religion, culture, and prophet foresaw an apocalyptic event? The living spends a lot of their time worrying about death.

What the fuck is this all about?

I hope it happens in the worst way just so every butthole suffers.

 

People with too strong opinions don’t really matter

But that’s just my opinion

 

I know I’m home when it rains

Because it never rains on vacation

So either this vacation is over

Or I am home

 

I guess I’d be ok with this being home

 

It’s fun to have a good scare every now and then

It makes everyday things seem better

Like leaping from the top floor to get to work every morning

Or like stepping in front of a bus to put food on the table

 

But now I can’t even see

The Cubs can’t win

 

Still content though

 

Money

Everyone just wants everyone else’s

Too dependant on people

Subsistence farming is the way to go

Wind farm

Lumber mill

Amish is the way to go

Beards aren’t necessary though

Unless it’s a freestyle beard off

Set to a beat

 

Then I’d be down

 

 

 

 

5/29/09

 

 

Another problem comes (69)

By those who ne’er succeed (67)

Without commander! Countless! Still! (64)

Within my reach! (90)

Butterflies pause (86)

As by the dead we love to sit (88)

My friend must be a bird (92)

This humble tourist rose! (93)

On that specific Pillow (1533)

From all the jails the Boys and Girls (1532)

Acquitted – from that Naked Bar (455)

But witness for her land (1775)

Midsummer, was it, when They died (962)

Vicinity to laws (963)

Nay, it is Deity (809)

It ends beyond (761)

And now We roam in Sovereign Woods (754)

So much Summer (651)

This – dost thou doubt – Sweet (549)

How slow the Wind (1571)

It can’t be “Summer”! (221)

In rags mysterious as these (117)

Come slowly – Eden! (211)

The Admirations – and Contempts – of time (906)

Too imminent the chance (911)

I cannot be ashamed (914)

When Roses cease to bloom, Sir, (32)

Adrift! A little boat adrift! (30)

There is another sky, (2)

Summer for thee, grant I may be (31)

Blazing in Gold and quenching in Purple (228)

We – Bee and I – live by the quaffing (230)

God permits industrious Angels (231)

Half Child – Half Heroine (283)

They looked like frightened Beads, I thought (328)

Their Everlasting fashions – set (331)

I’ll hand it to the Angel – (336)

Who own the ample sea (466)

Because there isn’t Room (467)

I could not prove the Years had feet (563)

A Minor thing – it sounds (565)

To a fictitious Country (562)

Except the Heaven had come so near (472)

Much Madness is divinest Sense (435)

I boldly answered – entered then (436

But we couldn’t learn! (267)

One Life of so much Consequence! (269)

A brief, but patient illness – (18)

This is a word (8)

In insecurity to lie (1434)

Its awful chamber open stands (1428)

A wild Blue sky abreast of Winds (1415)

How lonesome the Wind must feel Nights (1418)

But give a Giant room (1286)

Or could it cease to be (1253)

Crumbs – fit such little mouths (690)

Is ascertained by tasting (799)

Were every storm so spice (1133)

The Bird must sing to earn the Crumb (880)

A Cloud the mighty Sun encloses (882)

Split the Lark – and you’ll find the Music (861)

When the Astronomer stops seeking (851)

Nature and God – I neither knew (835)

Who till they died, did no alive become (816)

It – suggests to our Faith (797)

Nature – the Gentlest Mother is (790)

One Blessing had I than the rest (756)

We thirst at first – ‘tis Nature’s Act (726)

Sweet Mountains – Ye tell Me no lie (722)

The Sunrise runs for Both (710)

Speech is one symptom of Affection (1681)

The Ditch is dear to the Drunken man (1645)

Take all away from me, but leave me Ecstasy (1640)

Talk not to me of Summer Trees (1634)

To try to speak, and miss the way (1617)

The Things that never can come back, are several (1515)

Facts by our side are never sudden (1497)

One of the ones that Midas touched (1466)

Time’s wily Charges will not wait (1458)

I thought the Train would never come (1449)

My soul, to find them, come (1436)

We shun because we prize her Face (1429)

Art thou the thing I wanted? (1282)

And turns so weak away (1285)

Until allured away (1279)

That makes the Heart put up its Fun (1271)

I cannot see my soul but know ‘tis there (1262)

And never coming back (1260)

Longing is like the Seed (1255)

Like Brooms of Steel (1252)

A soft Sea washed around the House (1198)

A little dog that wags his tail (1185)

A Dinner for a Bee (1154)

Lest any doubt that we are glad that they were born Today (1156)

 

Winds of Summer Fields (1147)

 

 

Everyday my walk is so pleasant

I waltz up to the Whitman house

The old abandoned lady surrounded

By the young bucks and buns in the oven

It sits in silent elite

A wise old construction

Garnering the respect of the youngins

Being sought for advice from the babes

Plants grow large and untamed around it

Like gathering children on the preschool story carpet

Around their sweet old teacher

Just waiting for the day the building creaks

All day it soaks up wisdom

Then the day that the sponge is full

It will groan

One all knowing phrase

That will save the world

 

Remix

 

She’s beautiful

Grown old and still strong

Dark for now but life waits in her rafters

Spine compressed some

But a brain is stacked

And waiting

There’s a switch that will flash

An orgasm building pressure

Since probably the 90’s

An explosion of blinding

Heaving

Electricity

Then the foundation will shudder

And all things will know it

I will lay bearded with the rats and rafters

Reading Borges

And scribbling on the walls inside her

One day

For the of my life

And it will make sense

To me

Briefly

In this old house

Aflame with brilliance

Time will stop

The questions will be answered

For the instant amounting to a universe

Then

More questions

Begat

And the ancient trees outside will lean

Toward the windows of the mind

The nuclear flash of insane utterance will blow

Their leaves back

Then it’s gone

And the soul will calm

And the bricks will cool

And I will not leave a corpse

 

Rewrite

 

Chimney wheezing after years of breathing fire

That kept eager minds warm

Floor boards moan

Years after their young doors were penetrated

Year in and year out

By strong young bodies

Different suitors always

Now dry and un-tread upon

It will be used again

Impregnated by the sounds of many feet

And laughter

The womb will echo

Ready to belch out intelligence

I will serve drinks in her

Open it up in the summer, air it out

And turn her on in the winter

Clear rust from her pipes to spew life again

Trim leaves from her throat

Tickling and choking

 

I wish I could sail round the world

And follow the moon

Night forever

Always a dream

The sun, a wakening

Always chasing me

Pressing to not dream

Forever at my heels about false responsibilities

The sun is governmental, capitalistic, bossarriffic

Parental, everything forceful

Night is breath and at my side

A friend always willing to do whatever seems fun

I can see the stars in the distance

Keeping minds of distance planets preoccupied with light

The vast blackness between me and them

Is a space to float free and see everything

All at once or one at a time

My planet will always be nighfallen

Not dark but open

Not ominous but promising

The sun is the ceiling light that exposes

The walls of the globe

Never a happy home

Lights out

Lets us look up through the convertible

To see that we are not the authority on life

Let us not forget that open space exists

Between worlds unknown

Use it to fill with endless possibilities

 

I’m going to lose my mind someday

But in doing so I will finally find

The world I’ve been waiting for

 

The moment you’re born the clock starts ticking

Everything you do will be timed

Including exact time of birth and death

I’m going to run in zig zags and circles

Try to lose its tail

Confuse time

Maybe it will leave me be for a while

I don’t want to do that now

Or get this done by then

I just don’t wanna

I didn’t ask for this life

Or to be timed in my advance

Can you stop the clock

And let me watch

 

 

6/2

Niedecker cento

 

303 words

 

Niedecker cento

 

Who was Mary Shelley?

In the great snowfall before the bomb

In Leonardo’s light

Sweet life, My Love

I catch a dozen, that burns him up

Worship sun; fear rain, their

Carpets, dishes

The death of my poor father

Before my own death is certified

You are the sudden violent storm

A robin stood by my porch

Grandfather

I carried my bundles of hog feeder price lists

Human bean

In moonlight lies

Popcorn-can cover

Of campus ditch

Was enough to carry me thru

Pawpaw in Bloom

Trickle

In this Eternal Category’s

Mr. Van Ess bought 14 washcloths?

Yet no totem-carvings distinguish the Niedecker tribe

But here he comes

On the pendulum

The tree I carry

Right down among em

Clean house, cook, raise children, bowl

Down in the grass

Tho’t I’d stop with you a little

Consciousness is illimitable

Jesse James and his brother Frank

May you have lumps in your mashed potatoes

with sheets so white it hurts the eyes. Nightgown,

clean-smelling house

two were taught and all were sought.

You too

You have faults

I learned

In the transcendence

Wades the muddy water fishing,

            Of spring

Created the monster nights

Considered then, becurtained

We are what the seas

Can’t take it cool

In a favorable wind

Thoughts on things

The take-for-granted bloom

The congress away from home

The country moves toward violets

To educate his daughter

An older friend

Takes down a book, wind pours in. Frozen –

Along the river

Said in the evening after 6:00

I'm pillowed and padded, pale and puffing

What horror to awake at night

What would they say if they knew

windows, the only glow for contemplation

stillness steps.

and many times

raise their hands from ground to sky

I face the east and the wind's in my mouth

put the spices in the wrong place

 

 

6/5

 

Fuckin swear if you want. And don’t if you don’t. Goddamn.

After dinner she was looking all

Fucked and happy

I fucked

Up shit’s creek

Damn and hell

I like the flower sent of my words

When they spew from me

They don’t hurt

Though

To be stabbed by a spear

Would be offensive

If I really deserved this crude

Weapon fashioned from the tongue

Of a tree giving me licks

Into my vitals and ears

Only catch faint rumblings of wind

And piercing blows

Of air displacement

Of my limbs from sharpened

Words is impossible

To ignore the points I’m making about

This spear being a real

Spear and not really air

And vibrations are really what

Words are

Of course I couldn’t enjamb

A spear into your side

Note

This fairly intelligent poem

 

Here’s what I’ve been hearing

 

Be quiet and drive far away

Make it as hasty as possible

Come as you are

Not as you think I want you to be

Alive with the glory of love

I can tell this is home for you

1901

Is where I would take you if you wanted me to

Pantsuit…uggghhh

Let’s get you out of those devilish duds

Rock and roll could never hip hop like this

Unless you put on a headband and showed me how

Human after all

Let us never forget what we did here tonight

The house burnt down so fast

< 

> 

(a poem by Lorine Niedecker unmastered via google translator)

In some big snow before the bomb 
Colored lights Christmas tree 
Windows, just to keep the hole 
Along this path 

He worked in the press 
Among those in the bottom right 
People of all schools of poetry 
Terrible, and many others. 

I Blondie 
I got the block in the price of pork 
If the handle, the Larry, 
Do not ever take anywhere 
Never was empty 
We do not know, please, leave, 
Tanked Defense. 

I heard the old Newtonian Radio -- 
The most cruel agents 
As companies grow more corrupt. 
What an animal! Women who have jobs - the 
House cleaning, cooking, child care, cheers 
And go to church. 

What do they say if they knew 
ON THE LINES Six months 
Poetry?

 

< 

 

I can see where I want to make a permanent ... yes. 
Entry to right, the dark, eyes ... Oh, yes .... 
All the ghetto, the boot-chewing grass, but to ignore it, yes. 
The baby, this war, I will not give beautiful crazy ... Oh, no, no .... 

No, I will not, do not let you ... Not ... 
Oh, no ... I will not let you ... You leave No, no ... 
No, no, no, no .... 

Axis, and yes, the city and the shit we have a bill ... 
The building, between the gold trim, such as wallets, shoes, and you can choose ... Oh, yes. 
But Miss Black eyeliner every day is saved, see ... 
These painful OoOoO you love me, so good ... 
You do not live far away days. 
Bin size: 

"Life! Life! Love life, love life, and tonight ..." 
"Life! Life! Love life, love life, and tonight ..." 

(No, I do not, do not tell you ... No, no ... 
Hey, no ... I will not let you ... Do not let it go ...) 

Our Treblinka, love and success .... animated 
Treblinka, alive with love and win! Yes! 

(OK, a quick .... go!) 

We can get a war in the camp, yes, the telegraph. 
I would imagine this time .... no doubt you Oh, yes. 
I can kill me, love me like a ball for me, yes, hot. 
I know the goal: the war, this value. Do not ... 

No, I do .... I do not 
No, I do .... I do not 
No, I do .... I do not 

(Life! Life! Love life today life with love ...) 
Hell no, no ... Hey, no, I will not let you .... do not No, no. 
No! No!

 

6/10

 

The restroom is located directly adjacent to the keyed-up room

 

Future

 

How we got there.

 

Why we got there.

 

What we’re doing.

 

What I’m doing.

 

What do I think is going to happen.

 

Who is doing what.

 

My balls are out of focus.

I just broke my glasses trying to see that far.

 

Cure for cancer

Don’t eat poop*

Don’t rely too heavily on technology

Machines didn’t build the world

Don’t forget to visit nature often

Don’t forget

Money is only a means of trade for necessities of life

Not to be pumped into you after death

Like embalming fluid

 

*processed foods, alcohol, drugs, literal poop, things with chemicals

 

George W. Bushtown Massacre

 

Terrorism is upon us

Join me in the fight

Drink all the ‘laid

We’re all in this together

Except me

I’m going to holler thru

A megaphone at

Drink the k-laid you fucking

Idiots

I hate you and want you dead

Come on, drink, drink, drink

Up.

To head you will go

And all that

Listen to my audio this is a recorded message

Feed your babies and lovers my red, white, and blue-aid