I stare through black squares
Condensation has gathered.
Glad to be here, yesterday looked bleak.
A burn so intense.
The fire continued all morning
Orange water is relief.
My distraction is concerned.
It’s not your fault, reassurance is necessary.
The tart taste helps.
Pink yellow and orange
Bright and beautiful but so very different.
Exhaustion has consumed.
A familiar feeling.
I see a locked bathroom door in black and white
What I fear most
My stomach in knots, a sick sadness fills me even while unconscious
It’s what keeps me from full trusting
It’s not real, the imagination has carried me too far
Vivid dreams are scaring me lately.
A walking disaster haunting my every move.
Although I have won
Thankful everyday for my good fortune
Rush through colors and time
A California sunrise has developed clear as if it’s happening this instant
A coyote runs across highway one in the southern most part of the state.
Only seconds after darkness falls.
A mansion on a hill awaits millions if visitors
Strange rooms with priceless things.
Belongings that will never be enjoyed.
Only looked at.
Zooming in the Arizona heat.
A tree with outstretched branches is an Elk.
Towering and watching.
I’m learning to breathe in these abundant skies.
A blanket of diamonds above.
The tree tops kiss the velvet blue.
I want to feel the chill
Dark clouds inspire
The thunder, is a comfort.
Scratches on your shoulder
From the strength that carries you.
A slight touch to the chin
Brings me to life
The mobile above sways.
A large cat in the bed swats and stares.
Easily entertained and laid back.
A paper chair
Should not be this intimidating
The sound it makes when seated makes my stomach flip
The missing 4
It makes me anxious
I want so much to be perfect
Nothing is perfect
No one is perfect.
I need it soon. Now.
A kiss on the ear, the greatest sign of affection.
Would make most people nervous
Most would say no.
I see the good.
It’s a great decision, consumed by you and me and everyone who should have done it.
No regrets here
Is that enough?
The doubt is crushing the air surrounding me
My dreams – are they far from the truth or close to reality.
It is only my fear.
My fear that does not emerge until I am closing my eyes
Smoothies in your new kitchen
An unexpected palace.
A swirl of strawberry, banana, orange and apple. A stumble.
My affection curls around your waist.
Like sailboats across the lake.
The lake I want to see.
So loud even through my closed window.
Irritated and tired, I close then I open.
I am exhausted one again.
I want it to be perfect. I cant screw up what I want to be exquisite.
Pushing onward it is good enough.
Frantically I weave my feelings.
A token to remember me by.
It seems endless, this night.
A hole in the wall
I wish it were frigid again
I want my space heater.
A flying distraction leaves me restless.
I feel bad
About the snap decision.
I needed time, I did not utilize
Like I used to do, not always up to my full potential
Tying to change, I need to
For myself, my future, to gain the confidence.
The laughter echo is heard forever
A sting that no one knows about
You wont feel this rain, you never have.
I can’t let you.
It scares me to let you.
Contact lenses dry out my eyes that should be closed.
There is no rhyme or reason
I don’t understand how someone so organized cannot organize this.
Take your time it will happen.
Creativity flows but does not emerge.
Instead frustration erupts.