Wednesday, August 27, 2008

Butch McWhiskers makes friends

The stallion cat. He was the biggest and bravest cat of them all. All the other cats on the farm wanted to be just like him. His name was Butch McWhiskers. He had travelled to Italy where he made a brief cameo in The Bloody Chamber (a highly under/over rated piece of British literature that is essentially the repackaging of and retelling of classic British folklore. What is this a fucking literary expose?) Anyway, McWhiskers was a real _______ [something]. After his European excursion he came back to America where he explored uncharted caves for lost mice. He liked mice. Like a man to deer, he liked hunting animals for sport. Animals with families and minds for things other than merely being sporting endeavors. He would hunt the mice and kill them. Sink his claws into their fur and dig in. If he hit a nerve the mice would yelp louder and twitch. On the occasion that he was able to keep his play on the nerve he would actually send the mice into violent seizures (if it was the right nerve) and cause them to break their own backs. McWhiskers knew that when the mice broke their backs they wouldn't die. Well, not immediately at least. In fact, whenever he hunted mice he would make sure not to kill them at first. Instead he would incapacitate them so they would know what it was like to die. To be eaten. Generally, McWhiskers would start eating their legs. Their genitals were put aside or fed to the ruffians who deserved no more. The broken backs and necks meant that the mice would not feel themselves being consumed. McWhiskers would move patiently but steadily in those cases, which were so very often, making sure to overdramatize the sound, sight, and action of eating the mice's bodies. Then if they didn't die of coronary embolism or from bleeding out, they would have the lovely and sweet chance to die of shock. Shocked from seeing their own small bodies being consumed from the bottom up. As a rare treat McWhiskers would sometimes tap out a little ditty on the tail bones of his transmortal friends, using the leg bones he had removed. That way the mice would be able to feel the vibration through their bodies, right up to their skulls.

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