Ode to V.

O
flank this indoor bubble
do not develop a tiny penis
this is how vanilla is the origin of all chocolates
I am not envious of my brother’s thinger
his forlorn outside tail
how that vagina part of me
you won’t end up on the internet
my shy cunt
no one ever calls by your full name

For Fun-Cunning Linguists

I wonder if Eskimos marvel at how many euphemisms we have for vagina.


Abyss, The
Afro clam
Almeja
Axe wound
Ass mate

Bacon strip
Badly wrapped kebab
Bajingo
Bearded oyster
Bald man in a boat
BAP (Bad Ass Pussy)
Bologna curtains
Baloney sandwich
Bearded clam
Bearded taco
Beaver
Beaver Cleaver
Beefgina
Beef curtain
Beef garage
Beef jacket
Bermuda triangle
Biff
Biffen
Birdy
Bikini bizkit
Birth cannon
Bitchcake
Bizzle
Black cat with its throat cut
Black hole Of Calcunta
Blood tap
Blurt
Bone hone
Bone yard
Boogina
Bottomless pit
Box
Box lunch at the Y
Boy in the boat
breadbasket
Breakfast
Breakfast of champions
Buhgina
Bulldog's lip
Bunny
Bush

Cake
Camel hoof
Camel toe
Camp coochie
Catcher's mitt
Catfish
Cat flaps
Cathedral
Cathouse
Cauliflower
Cave
Cha-cha
Chia pet
Cherry pop
Chocha
Choochi snorcher
Chopped ham
Chuff
Chumino
Clam
Clamato fountain
Clamburger
Clodge
Clown's pocket
Cock cave
Cock cozy
Cock garage
Cock holster
Cock milk
Cock pit
Cock pocket
Cock sheath
Cock socket
Cock tub
Cockwash
Cod canal
Concha
Conill
Cooch
Coochie
Cookie
Coon
Coonie
Coont
Cootch
Cooter
Cooz(e)
Cradle of filth
Creamery, The
Crotch cobbler
Crotch mackerel
Crotch taco
cum-hole
Cum bucket
Cum canal
Cum catcher
Cum dumpster
Cum target
Cunny
Cunt
Cunti

Dank diner
Delta of Venus
Dent
Dick dent
Dick depot
Dick dock
Dick drive
Dick holster
Dick sharpener
Dick shed
Dick's crib
Dicky Dino
Dirty cumpie
Ditch
Divit
DNA dumpster
DNA slurpee machine
Dripping slit
Droog
Dyke snack

Easy bake oven
Everlasting Gobstuffer
Eye of a needle

Fadge
Fandango
Fertile delta, The
Festering wound
Filthy hatchet wound
Finger warmer
Fish factory
Fish fanny
Fish hole
Fish pie
Fish taco
Flaming lips
Flange
Flesh curtains
Flesh flute case
Flesh tuxedo
Flesh wallet
Flesh wound
Flounder, The
Flower
Fluff
Fluffy sausage wallet
Fluttering love wallet
Foo foo
Foof
Foofy bird
Fortune nookie
Foster home of Peter the Orphan
Foufoune
Four-lipped man eater
Framazama
French poodle
Front-butt
Frothing gash
Fuck hole
Fuffle
Fun bun
Fun hole
Fun tunnel
Fur pie
Furback turtle
Furburger
Furby
Furry horse collar
Furry front bottom
Fuzz box
Fuzzy cup
Fuzzy lap flounder
Fuzzy puddle
Fuzzy taco
Fuzz Muffin

Gange
Gap
Gaper
Gaping hole
garage
Garage of love
Gash
Gator grip
Gina
Ginch
Giner
Giney
Gingerbread
Gleaming mound of Venus
Glory hole
Glory road
Gnash
God's master plan
Golden gully
Goldmine
Goo pot
Gooey man trap
Gouge
Grand Canyon
Gravy boat
Great Divide
Grilled cheese
Growler
Grumble
Gutted hampster
Gutted rabbit
Gynie

Haddock pasty
Hair pie
Hairy beaver
Hairy bike rack
Hairy checkbook
Hairy cherry
Hairy clam
Hairy cream pie
Hairy harmonica
Hairy hatchet wound
Hairy headache
Hairy goblet
Hairy Fairy
Hairy Manilow
Hairy Mary
Hairy scar
Hairy taco
Hamburger
Ham sandwich
Hatchet wound
Heart-shaped box
Her
Hey nonny nonny
Hidey hole
Hina
Hinge
Hole
Home plate
Honeyhole
Honeypot
Honeysuckle
Horse's collar
Hoo-ha
Hoo-hoo
Hooch
Hoon
Hootch
Hootchie
Hootchie pop
Horizontal fishcake
Hot Box
Hot pocket
Hot quivering love-purse
Hotdog bun
Hummer hole
Hush puppy

Illnana
In hole, The

Jack in the box
Jack Nastyface
Jellyroll
Jizz receptacle
Juice box

Kini
Kit-Kat
Kitty
Knob gobbler
Knots landing
Koo koo
Kookooyumyumpoon
Kooter
Kunt

Labbe
Landing strip
Lap flounder
Lick-me-please-me
Lips that never speak
Lobster claw
Lotus flower
Love muscle
Love muffin
Love pudding
love pouch
Love tunnel
Lower lips

Man's ruin
Map of Tasmania (Tasi)
Map of Tassie/Mapatazi
Magic grail
Magic monkey
Meal ticket
Meat curtains
Meat grinder
Meat muffin
Meat napkin
Meat slipper
Meat wallet
Meatloaf
Mejillon
Miffy
Minge
Minnie's pearl
Miss Pussy
Missile silo
Moan pie
Momma's silk purse
Mommy button
Money box
Money maker
Monkey
Moist oyster
Mooch
Moose knuckle, The
Moose's lip
Mother Theresa
Motherload
Mound
Mouse's ear
Mrs. Sphincter's next door neighbor
Mucker
Muckhole
Mud flaps
Muff
Muff monster
Muffhole
Muffin
Muffler
Muffy
Munch box
Mushy mushy
Mutton chops
Mutton flaps

Na-na
Na-ner na-ner pudding
Nappy canoe
Nappy dugout
Nethermeats
Ninja slipper
Nipper
Nookie
Nooner

Oak tree planter
Old bacon strip
Old Mother Hubbard
Old toothless
open wound
Oonie
Orchid boat
Organ grinder
Otter's pocket
Oval office
Oyster taco

Panocha
Panty hamster
Parking Stall
Passion flower
Passion fruit
passion pit
Patona
Peach
Peace Keeper
Peach fish
Pearl pit
Pecan Pattie
Pecker-snot repository
Pee bug
Peeper
Pelt
Penis holster
Penis penitentiary
Penis piranha
Penis pocket
PenisStation, The
Peter pleaser
Peter's punching bag
Phat rabbit
Pink brownie cake
Pink canoe
Pink lipped custard sucker
Pink lips
Pink palace
Pink panda
Pink petaled posie
Pink pie
Pink pit of pleasure
Pink stink
Pink taco
Pink tortelini
Pinkly stinkly
Pish
Piss curtains
Piss flaps
Plewie
Po-po
Pocketbook
Poke hole
Pookie
Poon
Poonani
Poontang
Poontang pie
Pootnanny
Pork danglies
Poosazi
Pooter
Pootie poo
Pootietang
Pooty poo
porcupine
Postage stamp (you lick it, you stick it, you send it on its way)
Pot holder
Prayer muffin
Prick pit
Promised Land, The
Pu-jar
Pudd Muffin
Puddin pie
Pudi
Pumpkin blossom
Puna
Punani
Puni
Pushin' cushion
Pussy
pussy, c*nt
Putang
Puter
Puty pu

Quiff
Quim
Quinnie
Quivering mound of love pudding

Raw oyster
Receptacle, The
Relief Station
Red haired lass
Red snapper
Roast beef curtain
Roast beef pita
Rocket pocket
Rod roaster
Rooster fish
Rosebud
Rotary Engine
Round mound of repound
Rug
Rusty axe wound

Sacapuntas
Sausage Slot
Sagging bacon cones
Salami sandwich
Salmon scented semen sucker
Sausage wallet
Scrunt
seething gash
Sea Urchine
Seafood taco
Sex hole
Shnush
Shooting range
Shrimp boat
Shrimp pie
Shutters of love
Silk igloo, The
Slice
Skunk guts
Slickety squid
Slime slit
Slimey slot
Slippery sheath
Slit
Slobbering bulldog
Sloppy joe
Sloppy oyster
Slot A
Slug's belly
Smackey
Smelly jelly hole
Smoo
Snack box
Snack pack
Snake charmer
Snapper
Snatch
Snizzle
Snotty lips
Snutch
Socket
Soft taco
South mouth
Southern belle
Southern smile, The
Spam castanet
Sperm bank
Sperm belcher
Sperm harbor
Split-faced hair shark
Split knish
Splittail
Spock-socket
Spunk locker
Spunk pit
Squashed hedgehog
Squirt bucket
Squishy
Stanky
Stench trench
Sticky bun
Stink hole
Stinkinoonie
Stinky krinky
Stinky pink
Stuffed stocking
Sugar walls
Sweaty burrito
Sweet spot
Sword swallower

Taco (pink)
Taffy puller
Tang
Tasty little morsel
temple of delight
Tinkleflower
Tongue magnet
Torpedo Tube
Treasure chest
Tri-fold floppy
Trout basket
Tulip
Tuna melt
Tuna taco
Tuna town
Tuna tunnel
Tuna 'n' whiskers
Tunnel
Tunnel of love
Turkey beard
Turkey curtains
Tutu
Twat
Twat waffle
Twisted taco
Two fingered fish mitten
Two-lips

Underwear oyster
Upside down taco

V
Vadge
Vagittyfidgit
Vagooter
Vaheena
Veeg
Vertical bacon slice
Vertical bacon sandwich
Vertical grimace
Vertical smile
Vertical taco
Velcro triangle
Velvet box
Velvet glove
Venus fly trap
Venus jive trap
Vice of love, The

Warm slurpee
Wazza
Welly-boot top
Welly-top
Weenie wringer
Wet wrinkle
Whisker biscuit
whisker box
Whooha
Wide open spaces
Wide papaya smile
Willy washer
Winkin' pink brownie cake
Wizard's sleeve
Wookie
Wookie hole
Woolen bivalve
Worm hole
Wound that never heals, The
WrinkleWunder down under
Wuzza

X-Box

Ya-ya
Yeast cake
Yo-yo smuggler
Yoni
Yum yum

Zone, The

balls of confusion

Talking 'Bout My Genitalia

Her eyes get so wide when she comes I realize
I had no small part in this it makes me
proud that I did some good in this world
If I were to die tomorrow I could
tell the good lord I made her climax
I take responsibility Okay
she did the work I just lay there and we
weren't listening to Barry Manilow
nor Barry White nor The White Stripes but the rain
splatter against the ground, knowing that somewhere
surely it was going to flood but then
her eyes went anime on me the bed started
to spin like a lava lamp in some groovy
sixties film. It was Kent State but instead
of shooting bullets we were shooting wads
blowing smoke putting flowers in guns
going yeah

3 poems from last fall (revised)

Onions

I am grape jelly and salt
sitting on a sofa
which sinks into the
scent of onions

that pervade the cadavers
that are housed across
the road- time floats
by and before we know it

we are onions too
squishy and crying and blue
but yummy when eaten
in a casserole of last

second preparation- all
that we create is
thrown up against the
wall to see what sticks

and it is peeled away like
months, like onions
until the center of
nothingness is reached

Sex Is Fucking Death

The penis entereth vaginaland
and calls forth a symposium
on the politics of sperm selection
and ovulatory discrimination

even on a cellular level
order and chaos are constantly
in a dance- although from afar
one would think it a war

In the canyons I hike down
and eventually up reluctantly
I notice the water has
carved out this amazing fucker

its like the earth having sex
with itself. And the mountains
way up there smug and all that
will be worn down in

God knows when- but that is
nature- one giant viagara
capsule and we are all sucking
it down trying to keep it up.


Boobs

I remember China used to be upside down
until I learned that America was discovered
much later, and that it was we who were upside
down and Columbus must have fallen off the earth.

Today, we take a cheese clothe and pass it through
our bodies knowing that America is cleansing us
and we wipe our ass with the dream

inside the vagina there is a three ringed circus
and a bear on a unicycle is wincing to nine inch nails,
fuck like an animal indeed.

I grab your breasts, objects of my fixation
and hang on for dear life
realizing I may fall and break
the mirror we are doing it on

okay, that was good
let us swap spit and tell ghost stories

A poem started by my mom making fun of my poetry

I touch the blind
I touch the lonely
I touch the rose
I touch the penis

I hear the owl
or is it the mice
I eat the hen
or is it the lice

I see the moon
or is it the cow
I fuck the sun
and take a bow

I smell the shit
it smells so lovely
I taste the wind
just like chicken

I eat my boogers
bite my fingernails
I pick my navel
admire my phlegm

I saw the Passion
Saw Jesus die
Lots of blood
It was awesome

considering eternity

We are born into a world where other people live
and we are raised to respect the rules of how the people live
often though we find our rules are different from those
of how other people live
So we go to school and read about how other people live
then we go to college and read and discuss and write papers
about how other people live
then we go to work and work on indirectly or directly how other people live
and then we go on vacation to view and experience how other people live
then we go out to vote and decide on how other people live
then we go to church and pray on how other people live
and then we go get drunk and blather out nonsense about how other people live
then we write books about how other people live
then we try and change how other people live
then we go to war about how other people live
then we make our art about how other people live
then we imitate how other people live
then we die because we can not live
how other people live
then we are remembered or forgotten
by many other people who still live
then those other people live their lives
how other people live.
The entire universe collides
with other universes
where still more other people live.
it just so happens to coincide
that more other people live there too
then all the people will one day die
and nobody will live
how other people live
and nobody will care
how other people live
but I, long after I die,
continue to look for a way out of this poem.

What Art Means

We could look at art as money, as a status symbol. Consider the price that great art goes for... and what if anything makes it great, splotches of paint either randomly lade on or meticulously painstakingly thrown on to canvas over many years, like Van Gogh, he cut off his ear because he couldn't get the right shade of red on one of his paintings. When someone asked why didn't he just prick his finger? He would say that's a stupid idea. I need that to paint. why not kill a rabbit then, he would admonish. Rabbits are cute. You don't kill bunnies! But Vinnie, why not just prikketh a rabbit? Hath not a rabbit eyes? Van Gogh apparently was an idiot but that's okay, he only heard half the question anyway.
One day, we will be able to go inside the art itself, maybe smoke pot with the artist. Perhaps interview them, possibly have sex with them or even lunch. All this will be possible when the sun goes into Mercury at the end of the next decade. When the smoke clears, divine revelation will appear. A dog with 3 legs, and a golden branch dangling from his mouth. You will toss it and watch the dog hobble off, trying hard not to laugh. Maybe you will make up for the cruelty with a pat on the head. That night, be sure and close your eyes before going to sleep. Oh yes, beware of dog!

song

In this field
we grow and thrive
buried beneath
tons of ice

in this field
we hover on
melting under a
blazing sun

in this field
we climb high mountains
reaching skyward
for truth unknown

we swim vast oceans
walk dead valleys
trudge in marshes
cruise through space

In this field
we till the soil
drift and toil
and float away

sometimes we blossom
often glowing breaking through
fire within us water flowing
wind is blowing old to new

in this field
we stare across to
look at others
in this field

in this field
we look around us
at our navels
and disappear

Soviet Portrait


the succubus
clitellum lips

weird in my hand

is she and artist ? it is required
everything she did
was having to be beautiful

the world is ready!
the spork is in existence

i’m not going
not with all this skin








voilà

width from developmental
annual vigor
Nang ring

bark that place
it gets folded with the Sea

overcoat ovum questionable
matter the breast
which spreads arrives the flower

to that owl

remember when I saw
you
were a suspicious
furby I wanted
to cuddle
was also eerily afraid
wanted to cup my hands
in a half moon toward lips
slowly say hoot hoot
watch you cock
your nonexistent neck
you did not seem as
wise or scholarly as
expected
I did not want anyone else
to see you
feared they’d taunt
throw rocks
if I could keep you I would
let you perch
upon my closet pole I would
move my clothes for you
feed you food you’d like
to eat tell a story
before my slumber
would not dress
you up as humans do dogs
would let you be
alone if you wanted
you’d be mine I’d name you
something distinguished
I would not make you
speak or sit or stay
would let you come
and go
would smile
at your interest of sound
the depth of your archetype
if you wanted to be with trees
I’d let you it would be hard but
I would
tell my future children
how you were polished
with piercing eyes
thank you for stopping
me
causing me to stand silently
look curiously
at something
I have not done that
in a while
thank you for all you do
for nighttime
for your song
thank you for this poem

Reunion

Forgot about writing
sat contemplating failure
then a marsupial
appeared outside
my window
sun came out disney
beating against my head
flashback
high school 88
jeremy grade sitting
my living room
playing husker du
then singing the nation
al anthem in chorus class
as badly possible
just to piss off
ms giese who made us
all horny cosmic
mike swan with his
hair that went down
to his nice hard ass we sat
drinking beer at the cemetery
railroad tracks
jumped from locks
into barge canal
covered in bongwater
when dodie and katie
died
now I am 35
there is grey
on my side
burns eventually
my stomach will disappear
America will too
really thats alright
we can too go gently
into that bon nicht
smelling sweaty &
howling springsteen
under a barren flagpole

Spam Poetry

hallawayjoe@hotmail.com, you are invited to

You Have A Package With FedEx Delivery
Sat Mar 1 2:30pm – 3:30pm
(Timezone: Johannesburg)

Calendar:

You Have A Package With FedEx Delivery

I am Mr.Wellington.I have been waiting

for you to contact me for your Confirmable

Bank Draft of $210.000.00 United States Dollars, but

I did not hear from you since that time.

Then I went and deposited

the Draft with FedEx Delivery, I traveled

out of the country for a 3 Months Course in

Ontario, Canada and I will not come back till end of April.

What you have to do now is

to contact the FedEx Delivery as soon

as possible to know when they will deliver your package to you

because of the expiring date. For your information, I have

paid for the delivery charges, Insurance premium and

Clearance Certificate Fee of the Check showing that it is not drug money

or meant to sponsor terrorist attack in your Country.

The only money you will send to the FedEx Delivery to

deliver your Draft direct to your postal Address in your country

is ($195.00 USD) only being Security Keeping Fee of the Delivery

Company so far. Again, don't be deceived by anybody to pay any other money

except $195.00US Dollars for Express Delivery or 110.00 for Ground Delivery.

I would have paid that but they said no because they don?t know

when you will contact them and in case of demurrage but now I am on a course

in which they will not be able to contact me for the payment. You have to contact

the FedEx Delivery now for the delivery of your Draft with this information below;

Contact Person: Mrs. Bettyann Merchant E-mail: betty.fedex@live.com

Telephone: 1- 469-909-8001, 011-234-702-821-2894

Finally, make sure that you reconfirm your delivery

address and Direct telephone number to them again to avoid any mistake on the Delivery

and ask them to give you the tracking number to enable you track your package

over there and know when it will get to your address. Let me repeat again,

try to contact them as soon as you receive this mail to avoid any further

delay and remember to pay them their security keeping fee

of $195.00US Dollars for Express Delivery

and 110.00 for Ground Delivery for their immediate action.Note that it is

when you must have pay the security fee that the package will be

released and the tracking number would be given to you.

My E-mail is engr.bongani@gmail.com. But if you mail me I will be on vacation

and I will not be able to reply your mail.

Yours Faithfully, Engr. Bongani N.B:

You have limited time to claim it from FedEx.

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