I turned myself into the FBI for smoking marijuana
they dropped me off at the animal shelter
where they pushed LSD on me
and told me Jerry Garcia loves me
I said no no no, it's a trap.
You want to convert me to Jesus
and she took off her wig and it was Pat Robertson
and he did want to convert me to Jesus
But first, a round of good ol' American butt-sex
and then we could get down to Business
meanwhile I wondered if I was the reincarnation
of the antichrist, but it turns out I was
the Dalai Lama, and I really wanted love
or a diet soda and some corn chips to hold me
over to the next rest stop.