elegy

When I die eat donuts b/c I love donuts
When I die take naps b/c I love naps
When I die be stubborn b/c I am stubborn
When I die make dinner b/c I love dinner
when I die check your email every five minutes
When I die sing Salt n Pepa b/c I love Salt N Pepa
When I die don’t wear panty hose don’t bite your lip don’t eat
habeneros don’t say the word slut or bitch or bastard
When I die quote the Gilmore Girls read Kenneth Burke passages dress
like zombies be sarcastic talk about how you hate children big
dogs old people who drive slow
When I die give away my books
When I die write me letters I will write back
When I die have lots of sex or if you can’t have sex masturbate
When I die take showers all day long or shower baths or baths with
bubbles
When I die vacuum the main room dust the television light candles but
not in church don’t go to church when I die go to the mall or buy bread from local grocers or coo coo with the little pigeons
When I die carve pumpkins bake pumpkin seeds and put them in little
baggies and pass them out and say this if from Andrea!
When I die drink cold Sambuca tequila w/o groceries long island ice
teas capecods w/lime
When I die play hopscotch and get chalk on your fingers
When I die write Jacob stories about dandelions and kitties and aliens
When I die wear all of your jewelry at once or hats or ties or lipstick
and kiss people
When I die say hello to inanimate objects b/c they are alive hello
lamppost hello train hello post office hello McDonalds hello computer hello book hello poptart hello microwave
When I die don’t drive b/c I hate driving
When I die talk about yourself
When I die say hello to animals hello cows, why are you a cow?
Hello sheep, hello blackbirds hello kitties hello camels hello
llamas hello squirrels how is your acorn?
When I die speak the Ojibwe say the word for blueberry pie
b/c it’s the longest Ojibwe word
Miin-aan baash kimini-sij-i-gan bitooyin sij-i-gan-bukwayszhiigan
When I die don’t bury me next to my dead kitty or my dead birds or
my husband or my children or my parent’s graves or my sister’s graves or my brother’s grave