Come with me and map the human body.
Don’t be afraid I will stay close.
Do you want to start at the top or the bottom.
Okay I’ll choose then.
We’ll start at the bottom.
Tell me if you disagree.
Don’t be scared you live inside me.
feet: These are bad. We walk on them and that is bad. They touch the ground and the ground is dirty. If you like them don’t tell anyone, especially me. I do not approve. You have a problem.
Legs: I like legs. Legs are pretty. They look nice and you can bend them. bendy things are fun. Legs are attractive. It’s okay for you to like them too. I encourage this.
Penis: Who doesn’t love them. If you’ve got your own, play with it. If you don’t play with someone else’s. But never mix and match. Never. Penises are positively pleasant.
Vagina: I love vaginas like I love penises. They are fun to play with too. Same rules apply though. You can stick things in them, too. A limited number of things though, but what fun!
Buttholes: Vile disgusting things they are. Never touch them. Or lick them. The very thought makes me so angry I could poop. Bad. Very bad.
Bellies: keep them covered up most of the time. Especially if they are big. Other than that I like them alright, I guess. Like a friend you talk to when you’re drunk, but have never had a real conversation with.
Boobs: I like boobs. You can like boobs, too. Big boobs are better. Small boobs are okay, but don’t like them too much because then you’ll be weird.
Arms: take ‘em or leave ‘em.
Hands: hands are great you can touch stuff with them. And put them inside stuff. And they’re not feet!
Neck: necks are okay. Just remember, don’t choke. repeat after me we must never choke.
Heads: heads can be pretty to look at. Just try not to be ugly. If you have an ugly head, you should stay indoors.
Mouth: I must admit, I used to hate the mouth, but I came over to the dark side. They really are fun things, those mouths. You can do all sorts of things with them. And there’s a nifty tongue to help get to hard to reach places, and taste things. Just not buttholes.